It was a day like any other except the sky was the color of silly putty, but without the silly. The boardwalk was damp from a recent shower like a wet towelette from your grandmother’s purse. One that she's been carrying since before the war that she used to wipe that ice cream off your face those many years ago. But not so moist that she could get all the ice cream cleaned off your face. And the argument that followed when your mother sees your face half covered with ice cream and takes her hanky, spitting on it to use to clean the rest of the ice cream off your face.

Yeah, it was wet like that.

A light from the beach captured my attention for a moment but then an odd feeling drew my attention away to something at my feet.  A large glob of gum stuck to my shoe like a rubber band with a snappy attitude.  I shuffled sideways like a flamenco dancer in pain, tapping along the moist wood of the boardwalk leaving an angry pink trail of discarded gum.  Finally my shoe was clean of the sticky passenger and I looked towards the beach again and the light was still there but then I heard something.  A voice, almost like a whisper but with urgency and purpose. “Ouch” the voice pleaded and then I saw her.  A classy blond with a class ring from an even classier high school I recognized from my youth. She was smiling at me with a face like a court jester at his last performance before the king’s court only minutes away from having his head removed because the king was fed up with his pointy toed shoes with the little tinkle bells on the end.

I was cool and stood my ground even though she started pushing me as if she wanted me to move along. I had to set this dame straight "Lady the boardwalk is a public place and I'll stand where I want" Her face was the color of damp porcelain but then turned a pretty shade of red that for a moment looked stunning against the waning evening light with her long blond hair. "GET OFF!" she screamed.  I could see she was going to be difficult so I turned to face her and out of the corner of my eye I could still see the light from the beach juxtaposed against the sky.  I cocked my head with an inquisitive yet determined slant and pointed my finger at her.

Then the lights went out.

The cool rain on my face, like a foggy mist out of a bad horror movie woke me.  I was down but not out and as I struggled to my feet a hand reached out to me.  “Hey Nick what happened?”  It was Gus the boardwalk ne'er–do–well and as he helped me to my feet he shook his head at me. “Jeez Nick I thought that woman had taken your head off, she must have a brick in her purse” So it was the dame after all and not one of the many low lives that lurked the back alleys and seedy bars around the boardwalk.  “Nick why didn’t you move?” So Gus was going to take the dame’s side. “Gus I’ve known you for some time and you know how I think and standing on the boardwalk is not a crime” Gus scratched his head looking at me with the confused face of a small child, an ugly small child with a scraggly beard and cigar butt hanging out the side of his mouth but a small child nonetheless. “Nick, you were standing on her foot!”

Logic I hated the stuff, especially when it came out of the mouth of a confused man with the eyes of a small child with a stubbly beard.  I had better things to do than swap banter with Gus so I staggered towards the light on the beach that had been my original destination.

The light from the beach was now a golden glow on the wooden railings along the boardwalk. As I moved closer I could hear the origin of the light before I could see it.  A pop, crackle, and snap greeted me like an escaped breakfast cereal running free in the wind without the benefit of a bowl of milk.  It was as I suspected, a bonfire, but now much smaller as it had been burning for some time.  It was now not much more than a few pieces of driftwood occasionally flaring up with a bed of glowing coals like the fire I felt in my belly from that breakfast burrito I had eaten earlier as a sour burp of gas and the accompanying bitter bile aftertaste exited my lips.  I could see an outline of a figure back-lit by the fire, and it had a shape that for some reason seemed familiar.  I climbed over the railing and dropped down to the beach below ignoring the stairs three feet away because I always move like the crow flies.  The sand was soft and quiet and my steps towards the mystery figure were as stealthy as a spring lamb in a field of clover. As I approached closer the figure suddenly turned swinging what appeared to be a club but I was quick and dove for the ground.  I landed in the surf that was encroaching on the fire like a large wet mop in the hands of a teenager at a fast food joint.  Swoosh and again the dark figure swung the object in their hand this time closer over my head.  I rolled over towards the figure like a wet dog doing tricks and stuck the legs of the mystery figure.

We tumbled together in the sand and surf and unless this fellow was built like a women I surmised it was not a man I was wrestling with, but a dame. She was strong and wet but somehow still soft. “Get off me!” she cried out.  The voice seemed familiar yet the timbre was higher and filled with stress. Finally we stopped rolling around on the ground and I held both her arms in my hands steadying her as we both sat up.  “You!”  She cried out and in the light from the fire I could see it the same dame from the boardwalk.  “Yea baby it’s me and this time you won’t be swinging no purse”

“Don’t tell me,” she cried out. "You can’t be the detective I was to meet here?” “That’s right baby I’m Nick O’Banion private eye at your service” “What are you stupid?” She asked. It was a question I’ve heard many time before but as always, I refused to answer. “Listen doll I’m here and ready for work now what’s the problem?” I said “Well for starters GET OFF OF ME!”  We rose together like two stalks of corn in a field on a hot summer day. As we stood together near the fire I saw that she had picked up her purse so I casually stood to one side because I remembered her angry outburst on the boardwalk and wanted to be out of her line of fire.

“If you hadn’t come highly recommended I would be out of here right now” She said. “Well I have no idea who would recommend me but that’s good enough for me” I replied.  “Here” She said as she shoved something into my hand. “That will explain it all and my contact info is in there too, call me when you have something” It was an envelope and a large one at that, not manila but more like a china white with one of those string clasps where you have to wrap the string around two small disks to secure it.  I took out my knife and cut the string because I knew this would open a real can of worms and it would be some time before I would close that envelope again.  A piece of parchment and a stack of bills fell out onto the sand. I knelt down to examine the contents.  There was a lot of money wrapped in several thick rubber bands but the parchment was what drew my attention.  I stuffed the stack of bills into my pocket and stood up holding the parchment to the light of the fire and I could just make out what looked like a map with directions printed below it.  I didn’t recognize the language but the map looked like some sort of treasure map with an X marking a location on the map. Then I rotated the piece of parchment around and saw that the foreign language was actually English scribbled with a delightful flair with what appeared to be a fountain pen.

Just then the waves crashing onto the beach smothered the fire into oblivion and it was then I realized the dame was gone.  I turned towards the boardwalk and contemplated my next move and then the waves washed up over my shoes like an overflowing washing machine with too much detergent and it would be hell to clean up.  I didn’t care I had a new mystery to challenge me, Nick O’Banion was on the job.