View with a Room
View with a Room
Chapter One
The small rock said “Hi”.
It wasn’t actually a talking rock but painted on one side was the word “Hi” and on the other side there was a smiling face. Yellow paint on a light tan rock should be enough contrast that anyone would have seen it and taken it away by now, so I was surprised that it was still here. As I examined it I was trying to think of a place to keep it. If I left it in the car it would probably get lost. If I brought it home it would be one more thing that I would have to keep track of and pack up when I moved. Then I realized where it belonged, right here where I found it and I didn’t need to take it or protect it. The rock had its own purpose and who was I to try and change that. I probably wasn’t the first one to find it and I suppose I wouldn’t be the last. As I got up to leave I made sure that I put the rock right back where I found it.
From where I stood on the lookout point I should have been able to see some of the New York City skyline but with the summer haze I could only see about a mile or two. A large metal plaque told of some army from the American Revolution that marched a path through the valley below to some battle somewhere. All I can see below now is just a lot of trees and certainly no path. For a moment I imagine trekking down the mountain to explore the trail. Another adventure for me to contemplate and “head” plan, lets see make mental note “find time in my busy schedule (ha) to explore a military trail from a couple hundred years ago” yeah that’s right at the top of my list.
A station wagon pulls into the parking area and two kids in the back seat come flying out of the car yelling and screaming trying to be the first one to make it to the lookout point. Their parents follow quickly behind yelling just as loud for them to stay away from the edge. This is my queue to make a quick exit. As I climb down to the parking area one of the kids almost slams into me trying to get up the path. I get the evil eye from the father as we pass each other as I head towards my car.
Shit I forgot to take a picture! Why am I stopping at every lookout point with a camera in hand if I’m not going to take any pictures? But now the entire family is standing at the lookout area and if I snap a shot they’ll be in the picture. The father is still keeping an eye on me so I hesitate; I don’t want him thinking I’m some sort of pervert trying to catch a shot of his wife or kids. Damn one of the little brats just found the smiling rock and is showing it to his father. Oh great, now the kid is putting it into his pocket. I want to yell, “Hey kid that rock is free leave it be” but I don’t because the father is still checking me out. They all head back down to the parking area and as they pass me I blurt out “that rock is supposed to be there” pointing to the lookout area. The father glares at me and while never taking his eyes off of me, quickly herds his family back into their car. I couldn’t save the rock because the kid didn’t understand that the rock was supposed to be there and not taken away. It wasn’t supposed to leave the ledge because it had a purpose. It wasn’t my rock so I don’t understand why all of a sudden I feel so overwhelmed now that it’s gone. It feels like something is missing inside me, or maybe the rock was just the light the lit that empty room.
Time to leave, back in the car and ready to move. Which way this time? I know that if I turn right out of the parking lot it will take me into a small village that I remembered was visually bland and I really didn’t have the heart to even drive through the small main street as it would strip away the little delight I had found today so I turn left. I love the winding tree lined road and the summer leaves are large and mature and even though it’s slightly overcast and the sun is low on the horizon now it still plays light tag with the leaves. The drive for a moment turns surreal as the sunlight strobes on the windshield, the air is warm and moist, and I wonder if this is a dream I have yet to dream? Damn I forgot to take a picture again! Four stops and no pictures!
It’s getting darker now so I head back towards home, no sense trying to get any shots now with so little light. I suppose I never really intended to take any pictures. It was just an excuse to get away from all the little maddening things that seem to be choking me. And the twisted empty feeling that I seem to be nourishing in my stomach lately. The road is beginning to get busier and as I enter the highway I join a sea of lights headed towards the city. Looks like melancholy will be my traveling companion again this evening, but I’m not surprised as it a difficult hitchhiker to shake.
I have to stop at the store and pick up some things so I head towards an exit that will bring me to an A&P. The parking lot is not as crowded as I thought it would be so I get a spot close to the front of the store. I remember this shopping center from my high school days. The drugstore is still there where I used to buy film and have it developed. As I look around I can see across the street the railroad tracks through the trees. Actually I can’t really see them but I know they are there because I remember a photo I took of a passing train once when there were fewer trees. I no longer have the photos from those days long ago but I can still see that one clear black and white photo of a train passing. Black and white was all I used to shoot then because it felt warmer than color film. I also remember that I would take a photo of anything without thinking and even bracket a scene with multiple shots of the subject. But now I seem to have to ponder each shot. Examine the scene carefully to make sure I get the it just right, but the more I think about it the less photos I take, if at all.
The A&P is a lot dirtier and much smaller than I remember it. I head to the dairy section and pick up a container of milk. A woman is standing in the aisle reading the label of a package of something. She has these dark eyes that immediately remind me of someone warm, inviting, and familiar. I realize that I’m holding my breath and staring but I can’t break away. I’m transfixed by her eyes but I don’t see her, I see someone else standing there. I move my right foot and I can feel that the floor is sticky from something spilled there and the trance is broken as I look down to see what is on my shoe. When I look up again I see that the woman has moved off and is just turning the corner to the next isle. My face is flushed and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I finally inhale and realize that brief moment was like a photograph from my past revealing itself to me. I can clearly see that day and even smell her perfume but most of all I can feel her touch if only briefly and as I exhale I can feel the empty return again with my breath.
I don't think I'm going to be taking many picture for a long while, but I'll still keep my camera close.
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